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What
to Say
to Someone Who is Grieving
By Andrea Miller
Do
you admire
those rare people who effortlessly say the right thing at
the right time? In difficult circumstances, they seem to say the most
elegant and graceful words of
sympathy or support to compassionately
match the occasion.
But
few have
this rare gift. For the vast majority of us, coming up
with the right words in the right situation takes much thought and
effort.
Speaking
with
those who are grieving can be very awkward and
there’s no getting around it. Indeed some people find this
such a daunting prospect that they avoid grieving relatives altogether.
This can often cause even more pain for those who have experienced a
loss.
But
there are
some does and don’t in this situation.
If
you’re
not sure what to say, don’t be tempted to
trot out well worn clichés. These may seem helpful but they
really aren’t. Stay away from suggesting things like,
“I know you feel”, "keep your chin up" or
“it’s God’s will.” These
comments although well intentioned, simply don’t work and
won’t help the person grieving.
So
what is
helpful?
For
the most
part, the grieving family will appreciate you showing your
support by taking the time to attend the funeral service or memorial.
If for instance you are at a funeral receiving line of immediate family
members of the deceased, some simple and appropriate words could be:
"My
condolences to you and your family."
"My
sympathy to you."
"It
was a pleasure knowing (name of deceased)."
"(name
of deceased) was an amazing person"
"He/She
will be deeply missed."
“I
am so sorry for your loss.”
If
you see the
family at a time afterwards, take your cues from them.
Depending on your relationship with the individual you could say any
one of the following:
“Tell
me how I can help?”
“How
have you been managing since (name of deceased) died?
“What
do you need right now?”
“It's
ok if you do not feel like talking right now.”
For
the most
part, be available to listen and just be with the person
when you can. Most bereaved want to talk about the person who has died
and try not to impede that desire. Encourage them to talk about the
deceased and don’t change the subject or avoid mentioning the
person's name just because you feel uncomfortable.
Remember
it’s all about them.
Other articles
in this series
www.funeral-poems.com
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